How to Create Rules That Will Entice Your Submissive

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A GOOD SET OF RULES comes from understanding the needs, desires and limits of your submissive as well as your own. On the surface, they can seem a bit dull considering what they lead to but I’ve found that it isn’t the words that matter to the submissive, it’s knowing what they are in for. In reading, they will see their fantasies there on the pages. Focus on this when you share them… and you’ll see how eager your submissive becomes as they imagine following each and every one.

Note that it is possible to play without rules, see notes on this at the bottom of this page.

Here’s a high level view:

• Rules aren’t to be arbitrary and each requires a purpose that goes beyond simple sexual satisfaction. This might be moving the submissive’s headspace toward being less insecure, of creating an atmosphere of control, or motivating your submissive to do more with their life.
• They are never about a Master’s need to be seen as “superior”. In fact, in many ways a Master serves the needs of his submissive as much as she/he serves theirs.
• They must never “clash” with your submissive’s limits.
• All rules must be fully understood and agreed with your submissive. You cannot expect them to follow any of them before that. (Though you may agree them one or two at a time if you wish and start with those.).
• Think about the areas of the relationship that are to be covered, together, apart, with others etc. Use the categories in the example below to help you.
• Remember that you have to be comfortable in everything listed as does your submissive and remember that a rule isn’t a rule unless you are willing to back them up and punish accordingly
• Your rules are to be backed up by your own code of behaviour. These are your “Promises”.

The rules that you (the Master) choose to create will be based on your own particular relationship as well as considering the needs of your submissive. So, instead of instructions, I’ve created a sample below which includes the purpose of each (group). Feel free to use these as a guide, but do NOT use as written. Recreate them in your own words so that you clearly understand what it is that you ask. Along with these you should also create a set of “Promises”.

Sample Rules and purpose:

COMMUNICATION RULES (When we are together)

As my submissive, you will:

1. always follow the communication rules already agreed to.
2. only to address me as “Sir” or “Master”.
3. always use a respectful tone.
4. never use my real name in public, no matter who we are with.
5. avoid eye contact at all times.
6. bow your head in my presence unless instructed otherwise.
7. not speak until asked to, or when responding to a question.
8. never speak to anyone else in without permission to do so (when we are in public together).
9. focus with absolute attention and without distraction, on whatever is being said or done.

Purpose: These rules create the overall dynamic and power structure of the relationship as well as building the initial fantasy of distance. Master and Sir have so much greater weight than names and using them immediately and instinctively shifts your psychology of thought. Through this, it’s always clear who is in control and who is truly submissive. You will sense these things as you do them.

BEHAVIOUR

As my submissive, you must:

10. undress when undress when entering my apartment, or any private space, and kneel at my approach with your hands behind your back. If you are there before me, you must wait kneeling and naked with your “session” collar between your thighs. (I will instruct the correct position and posture for this.)
11. open your mouth when kneeling, and am within one metre (3 feet).

Purpose: These create an immediate shift from normal life into fantasy directly toward vulnerability while reinforcing the power dynamic. There is also a shift toward an expectation that anything can happen which frees the submissive from thinking what they should do.

12. do everything you are told quickly, eagerly, and as as taught as if it is your own thought. Yet, you must always take the briefest of moments before acting to consider what you are about to do and what is about to happen in order to build your eagerness and excitement.. Use this moment to put herself fully into the moment of doing what is asked, so that you can do it in the best way possible.

Purpose: This is simply training a submissive to be as engaged and in the moment as possible while following her instructions. In essence, being “mindful”.

13. never question or refuse a command unless it is not understood. If you are unsure, you may ask in the form of: “Please Sir, I did not hear, I do not understand… your submissive does not… etc.)
14. never be shy or coy verbally, mentally, or physically. Your body is mine so you must cover yourself or turn away.
15. ask permission for anything that hasn’t been asked of you (eg: sit, stand, dress, eat, drink, use the bathroom or leave). These requests must be respectful and in the form: “Please Sir (or Master) may I?”.

Purpose: These remove insecurity because there can be no self-doubt associated with these actions. The submissive MUST do them and so they do. This means that they are ready to enjoy the moment without trying to analyze it beyond understanding.

16. be sexually available to be used whenever or however I see fit (as long as these things have been consented to within your desires or curiosities – including public/outdoor activities).
17. not engage in any sexual activity without my permission. This includes masturbation–My submissive’s sexual pleasure (or denial) is always and entirely up to me.
18. forbidden to orgasm without my permission. It is up to you to restrain yourself, which means that you cannot stop what you are doing (or I what I am doing to you). In both these cases, you may ask (or beg) for my permission either to orgasm, or to stop.
19. never to instigate sex but always do your best to inspire and tease me at all times, even in public.
20. to create situations that inspire me to do things to, or with you no matter where we may be doing at the time.

Purpose: The purpose of these is reasonably obvious, but underlying this is the connection of the submissive’s pleasure being entirely owned by her Master and that the Master’s excitement is that of the submissive. To the submissive, this means that they are always prepared for sex and so, are always in anticipation and ready to be surprised. With a goal in mind, they are also thinking of these things rather than just waiting.to be surprised.

21. do whatever I ask when we are apart, including specified tasks. This may involve becoming naked in a park, masturbating on a bus, using a vibrator, or simply doing things to bring you closer to your personal goals. I do understand that there may be reasons that these things might not be possible, but you must always do your very best, even if these things are embarrassing. You must confess if you fail.

Reason: While this might not be on everyone’s list, this rule is an extension of the others. It also means that even when Master and submissive are apart, their thoughts can be connected and guidance can take place.

APPEARANCE / DRESS

As my submissive, you must:

22. wear your “going out” collar when we are out together.
23. wear your “work and family” collar the rest of the time.
24. be wearing one of these collars at all times (your session collar when we are alone.)
25. Always look your best for me.
26. Dress as you are told for every event you go to. This includes events that I am not attending. My choices will be constrained as per my your limits when you are out with friends and family, or at work.

Purpose: he collar shows commitment and so (like a wedding ring) should be worn to honour the relationship at all times. The other parts are simply other forms of control and connection.control and connection.

PUNISHMENT (Correction):

As per my promises, I will only punish my submissive for breaking rules, not following instructions or disrespect.

As my submissive, you will:

27. willingly and quickly prepare yourself for punishment the moment that it is noted you have done something “incorrect”. (I will show how this is to be done.)
28. confess to anything you may have done that I am unaware of, or may have missed.
29. accept all punishment without argument. If you disagrees, you can either bring it up “out of session” or within your diary.
30. thank your Master for correcting your behavior.

Purpose: Note that the punishment itself isn’t specified here, only how the submissive should react to it. The confession is all about building honour and honesty while respecting a master and the rules. These rules in fact reduce the fear of punishment because it is something that the submissive does not have to happen if they follow the rules and will likely be lessened if they confess…

FIDELITY

As my submissive, you will:

31. not have any sexual relationships or encounters without my permission.
32. never flirt, or draw attention to yourself whether we are together or not.
33. always tell me of any temptations you may have.

Purpose: This is simply a statement of fidelity. Within the Master’s promises it would likely say the same. If a Master was allowed to have sex outside of the relationship, there would be rules here on the appropriate submissive’s reaction (since she must have agreed to this).

OTHER PEOPLE

As my submissive, you will:

34. engage in sex with others and within groups at my discretion. (I will uphold my promises related to this).
35. do as you are  told when we are with others in line with her limits.
36. take guidance only from me in these situations unless I allow you more “freedom” in the moment.

Purpose: the submissive here has agreed to sex with others but in the moment there might be confusion as to how this would occur. These rules clarify that her Master is still ultimately in control. The promises here (in case I forget to add them to the example), would likely be about his promises to ensure safe sex at all times, that those involved meet his standards for her and that she is under his protection.

FOR MY (Your) SUBMISSIVE

37. You will keep a journal specifically for this, I will provide one for you along with instructions on its use. I look forward to reading your words.
38. You must ensure that your commitment does not adversely affect your “real life” and always be honest with me in this. This is your responsibility and I want to be proud of my submissive. I would be very unhappy if she were to do poorly in university classes or miss important commitments because of your service.
39. You must live up to your personal goals and ask for any assistance you require to get there. You will follow my instructions in regard to these just as you do in service of your Master.

Purpose: These rules are for the submissive, achieving life and goals but are not specifically related to serving her Master.

There’s more in the Training and Rules section, which covers:

• Communication Rules (The first step)
• Defining Desires and Hard limits
• Sample Rules
• And more!

I’m also “flogging”, my 2 Dark Mirrors books. While fiction, they are based on actual sessions and the wonderful submissives I’ve enjoyed as a Dom/Master.

Part 1: Desire (free)
Part 2: Release

Find out more here.

Playing Without Rules

I’ve been writing this guide about the ideal for new people starting and for longer-term relationships, but I want to address that there are other ways to play. For instance, many people enjoy the thrill of simply being used (like a toy) and commanded on the spot without any specific rules. Sessions like this can be amazingly exciting simply because of the unknown stranger factor where you never know each other on any level other than this, when you have absolutely no idea of what might happen.

I do love moments like these but suggest that your partner understands at least your hard limits and that you have a safe word. I’ve seen some people say that they that they don’t want a safe and while this like everything else is your choice remember that the safe word isn’t only for you.

Other than for the security of the submissive, a safe word has a second purpose. The fact that you have one means that your partner can be freer in what they do with you.  Even the cruelest of partners wants to be sure that they don’t damage you and they may want to hear you say “No” and understand that isn’t really what it means. Watching you to make sure that they don’t go too far detracts from the moment for both of you. The safe word allows more freedom to push things as far as they (and you!) would like… And if you want to really push yourself, you can simply choose not to use it. One limit you might want to consider here is that there is no relationship outside of this… that way, they can’t try for something more (a very human trait), when you only want this once, or to always keep things distant.

Go to: Training and Rules Category