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These pre-agreement communication rules are an important first step in setting the tone and expectations in a relationship. Rules don’t happen all at once, and long before I would ask a submissive to give herself to me (other than for sessions only), I expect her to agree to these rules because the respect that comes from this is the basis for all of the possibilities to come.
Communication rules promote honesty and mutual respect early on, while reducing insecurity, evasiveness and guilt. In the novel 2 Dark Mirrors, it’s clear that Lina was following rules much like this (even if they weren’t described), If a submissive is unable to follow these in the early stages then I will likely end things because there really is little point in continuing.
The Basic Communication Rules
These come from a place of respecting the time and security of others. But if you’re going to use these, change as you see fit, and as always, let me know your ideas!
- Availability: You are to notify me ahead of time when you will not be able to communicate and when you will be available again.
Reason: To show respect for my time and your own. Acknowledgement: If you cannot respond within a reasonable amount of time, you must tell me that you have received it and when you will reply. You need to live up to that promise.
Purpose: To show respect for my time and your own, as well as to show personal responsibility. - Focus: I will not accept long delays in conversations. A lack of focus, evasiveness, or simply dropping off without reason isn’t acceptable. It is your responsibility to tell me why you are unable to commit fully to our conversation.
Purpose: Being in the present moment fully no matter what it is. Not focusing also shows a lack of respect - Clarity: When responding, you must reply to every part of a message and answer every question fully. I don’t want to have to repeat myself and need to know that you have read and understood everything. I won’t accept flippant or evasive.
Purpose: Attention to detail is important for a submissive and not doing these things shows a lack of focus and of respect. - Honesty: You must be honest at all times and trust that your honesty will never make me angry. It is up to you to tell me if something I have said has upset you or isn’t clear (I cannot read minds). Bluntness always instead of vagueness or dishonesty.
Purpose: Promotes clarity, honesty and openness between us. - For You: If others are evasive, dishonest or lacking the connection that you deserve, call them out on it as nicely as possible (for many of us this is a habit and comes from insecurity). If they continue, simply stop communicating with them if you can.
Purpose: You need to respect yourself at least as much as you do the needs of others. Playing games serves no purpose other than making the players insecure.
These are rules I already follow, and I promise to continue to do this with you.
It’s Good Practice for Everyone
If everyone did these there would be less insecurity in the world. If you do any of these things now with anyone, STOP. Because your reasons for it are distancing you from relationships and life. Doing this is a game, avoidance, dishonesty or disinterest. Even if others do this to you, be stronger than them, or give up. This is why that last rule was added.
There’s a flow to this that I”ll be creating in a guide soon. Once you are communicating well, the next thing that you both need to do is to be honest about what your needs, desires are so that you can clearly state what you really want and what your hard-limits are. When there is no second guessing, things don’t have to stop and you both (or all of you) can be free in the moment.
There’s more in the Training and Rules section, which covers:
- Communication Rules (The first step)
- Defining Desires and Hard limits
- Sample Rules
- And more!
I’m also “flogging”, my 2 Dark Mirrors books. While fiction, they are based on actual sessions and the wonderful submissives I’ve enjoyed as a Dom/Master.
