A Tasting Menu of Erotic Desires for BDSM and Vanilla Relationships
This content is the property of the author, Ryan P. Cole. Feel free to copy or share, but please give credit!
Below is a ‘tasting menu’ of desires and limits for you to discover what your so-called kinks really are. A good master will only finalize your rules once they know their submissive’s desires, strengths and weaknesses (at a minimum their limits), They will also know their own and be aware of where these things differ between you. Even if you are only considering your limits for the moment, it’s worth thinking about what you might want instead of focusing on what you don’t. This will give your Master a better idea of what you really want, what you want to try, and what you’re simply comfortable with. (There will be more details in the upcoming “submissive Guide”.)
So, this is an ideas list, and by no means is it exhaustive. Pretty much anything that you want to do with consenting human adults is on the table (so to speak) as long as your actions do not directly or indirectly cause harm to others. If you really don’t want something, add it to your hard limits so that you know (in trust) that your Master or partner will not do this with you EVER. Don’t be dismissive when you read through these. Imagine each and also think about the following:
- Setting – do you like the idea of a dungeon, a forest, a hilltop? Inside an office or a church? A music venue? A movie theatre? A biker bar? A rooftop? A sex club? A barn? Etc.
- Mood – do you imagine darkness, strobe lights and thrashing metal music, or peaceful with crashing waves?
- Passiveness – are these things being done to you or are you showing how eager you are? (this may change based on the scenario, but think about this each time).
- Visibility – are you seen while doing this? Do you want to be?, Do you enjoy the risk of being seen, likely seen or clearly visible? (Remember that being seen by children IS harm to others.)
- Timing – Although this is covered, when these things occur is important to maintaining a healthy Sex/Life balance.
- Know your own body and that of your partner. You both need to be aware of your sensitivities and limits. For some, nipple stimulation is incredibly intense and for others, not so much, or your master may not know that tying your arms above your head is for some reason, incredibly painful to you. On the other hand, some men may get immediate erections at will, while others take a bit of time or stimulation. Understand and accept these things from each other, and make sure that your desires take these things into account.
- Know your own mind – you might want to be tossed into a dungeon, in part to overcome your claustrophobia, but you don’t want to be having a panic attack for hours without a way out while you wait for your partners return. Also ask why it might be that you want some of these things and be honest… Do NOT do things to punish yourself or to support low self-worth. Approach this as I was once told how to approach drugs:
USE ONLY FOR EXPERIENCE, NEVER FOR ESCAPE.
- Understand your judgement and fears – don’t write something off because you think that it’s “wrong”, imagine it and see if it excites you. The same is true of fears… what if you trust the person you are with absolutely? (As you would with your partner or Master.)
- What do you want to learn about yourself, and do you want to be challenged? – Sexually and otherwise.
Here’s an “ideas” list to work through. By all means look at other sites on the internet, inspire yourself with porn, or erotica and google anything below that you’re not sure of.
Activities
VERY Common “Activities”
- Watching Porn
- Vaginal Sex, penetration with a cock, fingers or objects (in any position)
- Masturbation, of self or of others, mutual masturbation
- Cock sucking – actively licking or sucking, passive (mouth fucked)
- Licking / sucking balls
- Edging (licking only the underside of the cock until orgasm)
- Pussy Eating – actively licking, sucking, licking the clitoris, penetration with tongue, from front, behind
- Hair Pulling
- Biting (light)
- Tongue bath
- Spanking, massage, tickling (giving and/ or receiving), light scratching
- Rough Sex / Wrestling
- Use of toys, dildos, vibrators and other simulators
- Anal sex – penetration (with cock, toys or objects)
- Sex with the opposite sex (or same sex if you are gay)
- Sex with multiple partners, threesome (2 women), threesome (2 men), Multiple people (Group Sex)
- Sex with strangers
- Public or outdoor “teasing”
- Food Play – eating food used for penetration, from the body, or used as either a serving tray… or the garnish
- Lingerie, heels, stockings etc.
- Light torture – use of wax, ice, clamps etc.
- Age Play – Daddy/Daughter, Teacher/Student
- M/s Play – Master (Dominant)/submissive (either male or female) – including behaviour control.
- Keeping a diary
- Following instructions without question
- Other Role Play
- Visiting a sex club
- Sex in water, underwater
- Bathroom, kitchen, dining room, coffee table (etc) sex
Slightly less common…
- Eye, speech and behaviour control in public
- Clothing control in public
- “Collaring”
- Cum swallowing, cum play, eating cum/vaginal lubricant on food.
- Watersports – (being pissed on, pissing on others, in mouth, urine swallowing/drinking)
- Orgasm control / forced orgasm
- Masturbation control, limiting access to it, or on command.
- Remote controlled stimulation by partner
- Public stimulation – on self, by a partner, by a stranger, drinking game scenario
- Light bondage – blindfold, handcuffs, rope for partial immobilization / sensory deprivation
- Light whipping/flogging – back, legs, feet, ass, genitalia
- Torture – nipples, pussy (area), clitoris, cock, balls, feet, other body areas, immobilized tickling, cupping.
- Deep throat, gagging
- Face sitting (oral on pussy)
- Forced sex / Rape Play – (consensual non-consent) believe it or not, this is pretty common.
- For M/s, includes tasks that are to be done for sexual or non-sexual reasons.
- Cuckolding
- Gangbang, Blowbang, Bukkake
- Use of butt plugs, anal vibrators etc.
- Voyeurism – Watching strangers masturbate, or have sex
- Public Restrooms, Changing Rooms, Trains, Airplanes
Still Less Common…
- Being a “Toy” – much like a “full use” slave without the cages or shackles.
- Pet Play – being treated as a pet, a dog, cat or horse (pony play)
- Pegging (anal sex on a man with a strap on)
- Rimming (licking partner’s ass, including face sitting)
- Fisting
- Spanking until crying – can provide an emotional release
- Electrical stimulation – use of TENS machines or light shocks (only use proper equipment here and do not use on the heart or head!)
- Breast bondage, cock/balls bondage
- Immobilizing bondage – suspension, Shibari
- Discipline – whipping, spanking, flogging to cause some pain, or other punishments
- Costumes for roleplay – leather, latex/rubber/neoprene, slut, schoolgirl, pirate, etc.
- Urination control – Not being allowed to pee, wetting self (also could be under humiliation)
- Forced nudity
- Torture and flogging for pain, skin burns (not with fire)
- Outdoor sex, public sex, exhibitionism
- Glory holes – giving or receiving / oral or vaginal
- Degradation and Humiliation (Private) – verbal abuse, slapping and spitting on partner, using them coldly for sex
- Slave play – cages, chains, deprivation, imprisonment, full and cold “use”
- Body worship – pussy, cock, foot etc.
- Snowballing – holding cum in your mouth and sharing with your partner
- Creampie eating – licking ejaculate from someone else (vaginal or anal)
- ATM – Ass to Mouth
- Sex with sleeping / unconscious partner.
Rarer Still …
- Sounding – putting a thin metal rod, into the urethra
- Diapers/Soothers – (ABDL) Adult Baby/Diaper Lover
- Cages
- Lactation (Milking, and hucow)
- Incest Play – fucking a pretend family…. You know. Cousins!
- Very Painful Torture, including endurance (S/M)
- Sexual performances in front of others, movie making
- Degradation & Humiliation: Public – shaming, dismissing, degrading, shame walks, kneeling, begging.
- Food Control – eating as much or as little as you are told to, with the goal of fattening you up or thinning you down.
- Other anal – placing ginger or a radish etc into the anus
- True Bimbofication – this goes beyond simple “dress-up” to cosmetic surgery, tattoos, piercings and perhaps training you to seem “dumber”.
- Branding / Tattoos / Piercings
- Fire Play
- Needle play – penetration of skin with needles
- Knife play (without cutting)
- Mummification
- Plastic wrap
- Necrophillia (or simulated)
- Limited access – Only through holes in clothing
- Furries – if you like the thought of dressing up in a furred costume, look this up.
- Financial domination – where the “Master” has full financial control over the submissive.
Hey you might also like! (but can also put into your limits!)
- Scat (shit play)
- Enemas
- Heavy torture with marking and bruising
- Genitorture (torture of the genitals – in particular a man’s testicles)
- (Limited) prostitution
- Being “loaned” out, shared, or made to “service” others
- Gaslighting (limited only please!)
- Gas Masks
- Knife play (some cutting)
- Gun play (unloaded, replica gun please!)
- Asphyxia (Breath Play) – More popular than this, but dangerous as hell, so this is here.
- Blood letting, vampirism
Common limits (mostly excluding those above):
- Unsafe sex
- Pregnancy
- Visible Marks
- Confined spaces, open spaces
- Types of pain
- Sharing images, stories or movies with others
- Limiting contact with loved ones
- Being shared or rented out
- Being cheated on
- Peanuts (allergy!)
- Flashing lights (migraine, epilepsy)
Unlikely Fantasies:
- Being auctioned.
- Being abducted by pirates.
- Being seduced by a real vampire or werewolf (Zombies and mummies are NOT sexy)
- I’m sure that you have your own…
Non-Sexual Needs / Desires
When you consider your needs, desires, curiosities and limits don’t limit this to sexual activities. Remember you may need, want or be curious about these things (like skydiving for instance) and it would be a shame if your Master couldn’t surprise you. These can also become hard limits, for instance the thought of comic book fairs (Comicon), might make you slightly ill. Here are a few categories to get you started, but this list is also endless:
- Holidays and activities: Seeing friends and family regularly, travel, camping.
- Sports: skiing, dancing, swimming, running, hiking, bicycling, golf, tennis, hunting, fishing etc
- Artistic Expression: Dancing, performing (music, poetry or anything else), painting, drawing, writing etc
- Recreation: Going to music shows, movies, comedy shows, watching TV, nightclubs, bars, museums, art galleries, opera, plays, restaurants (types of food) etc
- General Knowledge: Science, Art, Politics, History, Celebrity news, World events etc
- Education: University courses, languages – whatever you might want to learn whether you think it is possible or not.
- Other: Cleaning, cooking, serving as a maid/butler/servant (this one sometimes fits into the other areas but in itself, it’s not sexual)…
There’s no reason that you can’t focus in on important details here as well… You might have a hard limit on pizza and love sushi. You might NEED coffee every morning, you might love country music and dislike rap (or vice versa). If you’re a strict vegetarian or have allergies, put these as limits! Remember that a simple dislike it isn’t necessarily a limit for non-sexual activities. If don’t like brussels sprouts this your Master may not allow this as a hard limit…. In fact, it might be a great punishment…
- You’ll get the most honesty from this if you start with Communication rules.
There’s more in the Training and Rules section, which covers:
- Communication Rules (The first step)
- Defining Desires and Hard limits
- Sample Rules
- And more!
I’m also “flogging”, my 2 Dark Mirrors books. While fiction, they are based on actual sessions and the wonderful submissives I’ve enjoyed as a Dom/Master.
