FICTION IS SLIPPERY and an author often has little control of where it leads…. Biographies are no different – stories are told from memory and memories may be fragments that we fill in to make sense of or worse, we recall what we wanted things to be instead of what they really were. In this I was lucky because when my memory might have misled me, I had these wonderful journals to refresh my mind. (Though most were copies because they wanted to keep them.) They added detail that I had missed or could not remember clearly and were seen through eyes that were not my own. I had read these before, but I was struck again not by the events that occurred but the depth of thoughts and feelings that had been captured so eloquently on the pages.
So, Lina IS real… at least she is to me. She occupies the same shape in the space of my mind as one particular submissive as well as an added (small) set of idiosyncrasies of a few beautiful people that I have been lucky enough to know. While her story is fiction, much of her journey and what occurred in these sessions actually did occur (if you ignore the travel and the ). The goal of this novel (and how I had chosen as a Master/Dom) is that control can be positive if it is done out of love and growth. It comes down to the old adage, “if you love something set it free”, but before you set it free, you have to teach all that freedom means and all that it can be. To me, this is a greater love because true love is not to be insecure. What happens to the relationship? Well this too is based on reality but I’m not going to give that up now, am I?
On the other characters in the story, most are um, mostly fiction. Natasha became real as I wrote her and George’s very small part became something much larger and I learned to love these two as I did Lina… In fact when I met that woman in Thailand, I had thought that maybe I could find a Lina for the cover, but had given it up until the perfect Natasha arrived. (She too is a mermaid).
I also didn’t add the rules to the story (other than when specifically required) as it didn’t add anything to the flow. The important rules you the reader were sure to sense so there was no reason to add them as a list into the book. There’s a sample set of rules here if you want to see them. These have been adapted to be slightly more general but some still carry “Lina’s” imprint.
SPOILER ALERT
IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK YET, DON’T READ THIS!
PART ONE – Desire
Chapter 1 – Consumed
The dream at the beginning was based on some that I’d had over the years, and for a long time these impossibly realistic visions only occurred with those dreams where you think you’ve woken up, but haven’t (night terrors). For some reason I had a lot of these and started to create rules around them – I’d remember that it was a dream and while this history made it more horrible I’d managed to gain some control and then there came the day (night) when it became sensual and sexual but with that same overpowering intensity. I only wish I had more of these sorts of dreams now that I know how to control them because they are so intensely tactile. One of my subs said that she’d had similar dreams, but didn’t remember them and for this, I used my own while I was in Lina’s mind (and body).
Chapter 2 – (The Shape of Things -1, -2, -3)
These chapters are based on the actual journey a new sub had taken to meet me for the first time and I’d taken this both from meeting her then and from her journal. Since I’m grouping these together, yes she did wear a blindfold when meeting me the first time (two of my subs did) and the blindfold was left in the mailbox with instructions exactly as in the book. What I didn’t mention was that the envelope also contained an official copy of my STD test results. This didn’t make it into the story, but it was there in reality for her piece of mind. She actually stayed the entire weekend.
Chapter 3 – A Brief History of Lina
This history was created from all of my subs (though one in particular) and the people they’d been with before. Their historical boyfriends all seem to fall into categories that I chose to use in the story (I remember overhearing a woman describing an old boyfriend: “He was my tortured, starving yet talented artist relationship,” she’d said. The woman she was confiding in simply nodded as if every woman has one.) Lina’s parents started off as fairly nice people who simply were too worried about the world and were overprotective of their daughter, but as the mother became over-the-top in a Stephen King character sort of way. I simply started to enjoy the outrageous things that she said and she began to grate on my nerves as I’m sure she would have on Lina. The description of Lina’s lingerie shop work is built upon a similar job a sub had. She had noticed how the the older men looked at her and how silly this power she had seemed to be. She did have men ask her to try things on… While she didn’t actually do this – I do remember her saying that it was tempting just to see how they’d react to her playing out their (perhaps) bluff.)
Chapter 4 – Here Be Monsters
The internet part is mostly accurate and based on myself, I do get very protective and have chased those from the site who really shouldn’t be there, but while Patrick and I share many of the same characteristics (and interests) we aren’t entirely the same. I didn’t use the two email rule but once someone did reply, I tended to push pretty hard to make sure that they were worth my time, or weren’t looking for something unhealthy. The family business trips did happen with one submissive. While the young woman’s parents didn’t dress her up as a temptress, the flirting and outright advances had occurred on several occasions by these older men. The story of the man who’d protected her is created, but the “slightly older man” she’d fantasized about was actually a bus boy in the restaurant when she was about the age Lina is as she’s recounting the story.
Dr. John “taking advantage” of Lina, is not a specific story but this sort of pressure and conniving has happened to almost every female I’ve met.
Chapter 5 – Possibilities
The email exchanges are accurate in substance if not in words. I had turned a young woman down for exactly the reasons of being too young. (Mind you I had someone who flamed the book for the age difference which I did NOT mention so that everyone could decide what worked for them. This was a five year age difference for the record, and without giving away my age she was in her twenties. This woman did win me over with her persistence, passion and cleverness just as Lina did to Patrick. Like Lina, she was in university at the time and living with her parents (two other things I really didn’t want to be involved with!).
Chapter 6 – Under a Tree
Having a sub perform tasks before we meet had become quite normal, first off because I do travel a lot and because it makes things more comfortable and trusting for that first meeting. I also want to know who she is and what her desires are. The delay in meeting in the book did actually occur over Christmas (strangely, this was similar with two subs). The cynical Christmas part came to me while I was visiting a friend in Vietnam and the tinny Christmas music playing in the heat was driving me mad…
Chapter 7 – Living in the Present
If the mother was ever based on anything had become her own fully fictional character by this point. The presents were real more or less, but I’ll add to that in the following sections.
Chapter 8 – Marvin the Merciless
One of my subs had actually done this to punish herself for something she’d done wrong and sent me photos of the results – though I hadn’t asked her to do this. She’d used a hair brush and it was brutal – far more than I would have done. The actual whipping herself is fiction that simply occurred to me as one of my other subs had done this half-halfheartedly but instead decided to wait for me… Looking back on it, I think that I wanted to clarify to the readers, (and to the protagonist) that these things are about pushing sensation over and above the connotations of “being whipped”. This isn’t a Sadist / Masochist activity (though it could be), it’s about sensation, control (lack of) and trust. The sensations are based on what I’d found in the journals when I’d asked about “what it felt like and what it meant to be whipped / spanked.”
Chapter 9 – Watching Her Breathe
Mostly true. Where I’ve met subs on the internet, before we meet I want them to know that I’m the man they’re expecting and often a video call is the best way to do this (for both of us). With one sub, this did become a fashion show and it went pretty much as stated in the novel. How she’d felt about it was also in her journal (in past tense when she wrote it), but I brought her thoughts (and mine) into real time. If I’m honest, having Lina crawl felt to far for the novel but then I’d realized that it had to be there so that I could explain what it was really all about and that it wasn’t meant to be demeaning, only expectation-shifting. In the story I wanted to push boundaries and this was a line where the intent of what he is asking and the act of what she is doing is about pushing herself past embarrassment. I did see in journals that doing these things that they would NEVER have done was a very positive thing – It gave a chance to see themselves differently and feel more courageous.
Chapter 10 – Consent
I felt this needed saying. In the #metoo era there are issues on all sides that I don’t see it as being that difficult. People make mistakes and we’re all particularly stupid where attraction is involved and all sides need to take responsibility. I think that I’ve covered my thoughts well, so I won’t do it again here… But I will say that in the context of this story and in life, it’s something I needed to be clear about. I believe that consent is absolute and always required. It’s a huge part of trust and respect in any relationship but this needs to be even clearer in power exchange relationships like Dominant / submissive and Master / slave.
– I’m stepping off my soapbox now.
Chapter 11 – Trevor
Mostly true – except I was nearby at the time, because the mobile phone vibrator apps simply weren’t available yet – though I’d looked!. The expression on her face and the comically widening eyes are all part of my memories now… as were her bent knees and her way of walking. There was a cruel part of me that loved doing this – how she blushed, then giggled as she tried to control herself in public and those lovely sounds she couldn’t quite hold in when I surprised her… The parking lot also happened with a different woman (it hadn’t actually occurred to me the first time) We had almost been caught by a couple that day in the rain but the combined photo is fiction. The part about Jaime I added so that Lina wasn’t entirely alone in her decision – I ask my subs to look elsewhere for input if at all possible but I’d also wanted the readers to meet Jaime a couple of times though at this point, I had no idea why…
12 – Consummation
This is almost entirely true, although it may not have gone as perfectly as this . The bit about the bathroom happened as did “Lina” choosing to wear a blindfold at our first meeting / first session. We did know each other pretty well but I was absolutely struck by how stunning she was and though nervous, completely ready for everything that happened. Other things did happen which I put as a separate session later in the book.
13 – Etchings
More of the above. But the sliding glass door was from my apartment and the breeze really did feel like that.
14 – Johann Sebastian
Fiction, but one of my best female friends has a penchant for naming things… (and she did have names for parts of her body. I threw this in and once I googled what it actually meant, I knew that it was too perfect to throw away.
15 – Machine Head
The sex shop true and much of what went on in there (and the street before ) was pretty close. (Though in this scenario it wasn’t actually cold out. Sadly there was no Sybian but I have seen these being used (if you haven’t check out the videos online. If I do get one of my own one day, I will happily lend it out…. If I can watch! It’s a vicarious thrill – women are so better made for these things than men.
16 – Confession, Booth
Thought I’m really not a fan of strip clubs, I have taken women to these to satisfy their curiosity. I also have taken a sun there and arranged a dance for her.. For her it was something that she’d never have had the chance to experience. The second part was an idea that didn’t happen because of the rules and so I wrote what I thought it might have been like. The looks from the men in the place were quite real though as is the description of the waitress (though perhaps I painters her a bit more colorfully. Both of us noticed the difference in the dancers though and Bliss was based on that and some of her thoughts based on women I know who have done this. .
17 – Interview with a Master
Yes, this also; happened but a boardroom that I’d booked…. but it was almost too much because the door didn’t have a lock and so every time there were people outside it was um, disruptive. That said, she did sneak under my desk once and she did continue as I tried to speak to other people.
18 – Owning the Room
This is a mixture of things. A common scenario for this is to meet somewhere as if you don’t know each other and go straight on from there… This I have done and as timing would have it I was about to meet someone for a session who came out to the winery town where I was attending a friend’s stag. Funny how we met. The guys were pretty amazed… There is one other part to this. I was with friends at a very cool dance bar that mixed live musicians with a DJ. Like in the story you had to cross the dance floor to get to the bar and the tables and a stunning woman moved across the floor terrified and stood in front of me. It was late, I was drunk and wasn’t at all trying to pick her up. I tapped her on the shoulder and said the worst line ever – “You’re a beautiful woman. Allow yourself to be beautiful.” Then I backed this up with statements of how it was her in control not the men… She was so thankful that I could see what she was going through and gave me her number without me asking. I lost it – and I do still regret that.
19 – Oh, Snap
This is pretty much pure fiction to move the story along and to add to Lina’s sense of not having control over her own life.
20 – Déjà Vu
The new job is a continuation of the fiction above, but the situation of leaving my place available for a sub when I was away happened more than once. The exact situation of her possibly meeting me where I was did happen as well… and she did, but it wasn’t where Lina went.
